Look, in each blog post I could talk about how beautiful and awesome my clients are. I could tell you how sessions that are all about the kids are crazy fun (and also really good exercise). Or I could go on completely unrelated rants. I think you know which way I'm going to go.
"Seriously, if you hate Disney you're just weird and I can't be your friend." That was in my Instagram feed a few days ago. The fireworks made them cry. Their children brim with joy. And you don't need to have kids or be a kid to love it! Adults go on Disney cruises and coo about how Mickey changes his outfits to match whatever country is closest. Tourists in Europe exclaim with delight at something looking just like Disneyland (I've actually overheard this). If you like Disney, you are not alone. Picking on people that don't like it is like the popular kid teasing the weird, smelly kid (isn't there always one?).
Disney is a crazy cultural phenomenon. It magically (cause you all know it's magical) transcends the usual divisions of age, race, and tax brackets. So, let me tell you what life is like as the smelly kid. All you Disney lovers make me doubt myself! Is something wrong with me? Do I not have a heart? And if my kids don't love it, are they broken? Why can't we believe?!
We took our kids to Disneyland a few years ago. Some super nice people went way out of their way to get us in for free. Free! And at the end of the day, Eric and I felt neutral about it. Imagine what I would have felt had I paid hundreds of dollars! I would describe our kids that day as solemn. And maybe confused. Why are we waiting in a giant line again? Why are you expecting me to smile? Perhaps they were just overwhelmed and inside they were full of amazement and joy. But, parents don't pay hundreds of dollars for their kids to be happy on the inside. We want effusive displays of love, darn it! Their most expressive point of the day was at the end when they threw a fit because we wouldn't pay a zillion dollars for a glowing Mickey balloon.
The next time we were in the L.A. area they chose The Museum of Natural History over Disneyland. I kid you not.
But then we had a third kid. Who looooooooves Cars. And is always expressive and excitable. So yeah, in a fit of ridiculous parenting, we planned a trip just for him. Our older kids just said, "Seriously?" (in an extremely disgusted tone) when we told them we were going to Disneyland. But, I was determined. And this time I was going to do it right.
Doing it right meant pumping all my Disney lover friends for their secrets. It meant staying in a hotel right across the street and going for 2 days in a row. We brought Star Wars costumes so our kids would definitely get chosen for Jedi training. We made sure our 3 year old took a nap each day. We made a beeline for the busiest rides as soon as the park opened. We knew exactly where to stand for the parades.
And my 3 year old loved Cars land. I'm sure he did. I mean, he wasn't very expressive about it, but he had to, right? And sure, he hasn't mentioned Disneyland since we got back, but it was worth hundreds of dollars, right? Because if it wasn't, I have to admit I'm a cold hearted, unsaveable wretch who is raising defective children. I'll lose friends. I mean, who can trust someone who doesn't like Disneyland? There's a meme about this!
Well, I'm taking a stand, people. I'm here to say I don't like Disneyland. My family prefers science museums and $20 a day camping. I'm not going to fight it. It's way cheaper. There are no lines. They learn stuff.
Love me, anyway?